


Atonement

by StellaCartography



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M, SS2014
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-03
Updated: 2014-09-03
Packaged: 2018-02-15 23:10:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2246865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StellaCartography/pseuds/StellaCartography
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for VAMB's Secret Summer 2014. A gift for Katthryn whose request was "I'd like a J/C post endgame story that contains angst, anger, miscommunication, etc. Would like to see them work through a problem of some sort". Set several months post-Endgame. Janeway gives Chakotay a gift as a prelude to mending their broken friendship. Endless gratitude to my beta, Jess (oh-punky)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Launch

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Katthryn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katthryn/gifts).



Commander Chakotay, former first officer of the Federation starship Voyager, stood shivering in the harbour. The morning air was heavy with fog and the sun had yet to rise properly. This was precisely the type of experience he had missed while in the Delta Quadrant, forced to breathe nothing but recycled air for weeks or months on end, but the circumstances of this outing were doing nothing to sweeten his bitter mood.  
He turned to face the end of the gravel lane as a movement caught his attention. His former commanding officer materialized and bounced along the path toward him, wearing a woollen sweater over a summer dress and leggings, her hair loose and swinging behind her. She looked warm and cheerful. The dark circles that had set up camp under her striking blue eyes during their time on Voyager had vanished. The frown lines around her mouth and eyes had followed suit and she looked bright and young and happy.  
  
“Coffee, Chakotay?”  
  
They were the first words she had spoken to him in months. He felt more than a little off-balance as she smiled her signature half smile and extended a covered mug to him. He gave her a kind of bemused grimace.  
“What is this all about, Kathryn?”  
  
She feigned a pout. “Nice to see you too, Chakotay. It’s early and damp and I thought you might be cold.” She entirely failed to resist the pull on the right side of her mouth. He was in fine form this morning, but even grouchy, his presence was doing wonders for her mood.  
  
He took the mug and sipped. “I meant this meeting. This harbour. I don’t hear from you for months and then one afternoon: coordinates, a stardate and a ‘See you there.’ Also this coffee needs sugar”  
“I sweetened your coffee. Is it my fault you’ve desensitized your taste buds by overindulging your sweet tooth?” Her laugh rang out clearly in the still morning air. "I’m so glad you’re here, my friend.” She took his arm and steered him down the gravel lane that ran along the docks.  
  
“Friend! No ‘Would you like to’, no ‘Please’, no ‘How are you, Chakotay?’ or ‘How do you take your coffee these days?’” he ranted, pulling his arm away. “Tell me something, Kathryn. What would you have done if I hadn’t shown up?”  
“When did you become so crotchety in the morning, Chakotay? Drink that coffee. It’ll help.” She was relishing in being able to say his name in his presence again and this alone was enough to keep the enigmatic smile plastered to her face. He was glaring at her with his mouth in a sour twist. “Oh, all right. If you hadn’t shown up, I would have called you at work, then at home, then I’d call around and if I couldn’t find you, I’d organize a search party. I’d have been disappointed, though,” she said, her smile snapping back into place. “Because then I wouldn’t be able to give you your present.”  
  
“If I’m required to freeze my ass off to receive this present, I’d really prefer a card.”  
  
“You say that now.”  
  
“Now and any day. How do you stand this dampness? I feel like it’s trying to take up residence in my bones.”  
  
Oddly enough, Chakotay’s mood was having no effect on Kathryn’s high spirits. If anything, she smiled even more broadly at his bitter tone. “Come on, Chakotay. I promise it will be worth it.”  
  
She led him up the steps of an old cabin and into a quaint little general store with a counter. A chime rang out a broken tune as they entered and a tall, dark man who looked to be in his mid-thirties peered out from the back room.  
  
“Oh, good. You made it. Just be a minute.” he disappeared again.  
  
Chakotay raised an eyebrow at his companion then sighed and turned to examine the fishing tackle on the wall.  
  
This was torture. He had had a number of former commanding officers in his years of service, but none who had such a hold on him as Kathryn Janeway. She pulled at him, even now when their ties to the ship were cut, and it irritated him. He was as helpless to the singularity of her persona as he had been in the Delta Quadrant. He pictured himself a helpless form caught in her gravity well, orbiting eternally just beyond her event horizon. The thought chafed at his sense of independence.  
  
It would take drastic action on his part to extricate himself from her sphere of influence. He didn’t think he could stomach resigning from Starfleet twice in a lifetime. Nor did he have the heart to move back to the border colonies. It seemed every part of his body had succumbed to the inertia of his life as it was, held in a bizarre suspension around which time passed normally for everyone else, while it alternately dragged and raced for him in ways he didn’t want it to. Perhaps this was a natural reaction to their return from the Delta Quadrant. Notions of fleeing from the shop and Kathryn’s crooked smile warred with a desire to root himself to the ground and shout at her until his voice grew hoarse.  
  
He snorted softly at that thought. What could he possibly say that hadn't already been said? Even if not in words.  
  
Chakotay’s thoughts were interrupted when the tall man reappeared from the back of the shop, this time with a shorter stocky man in tow.  
  
“All ready for you Kath, love.” The tall man’s voice had a sonorous quality to it and his excitement seemed to equal Kathryn’s as he handed her a small item, clasped her hands between his and winked at Chakotay.  
  
“Thank you, Allen.” She turned to her companion and studied him for a moment, mischief and excitement making her eyes sparkle then handed him a small authorization chip. “Pretend to be intrigued, Chakotay. Allen and Tariq put a great deal of work into this. “  
  
She held the door for him and took his arm as they walked around the outside of the shop. They headed toward a large, secure outbuilding with numerous doors surrounded by scraggly old pine trees. The morning fog was easing as they made their way to a door. Kathryn motioned for him to proceed and he waved the authorization chip over the door panel. With a chirp and a swoosh the door slid open to reveal a dimly lit storage locker.  
  
Chakotay stepped into the storage compartment and the lights flared overhead. There was a shape covered in a tarpaulin, which he pulled away to reveal a boat. It was long and slender and smelled of cedar and varnish. He ran his fingers along the polished gunwales. It was a beautiful craft.  
  
He lifted it by the thwarts to test its heft and was pleased with how light it was. Resting it down, he backed away from his gift, crouched against the wall and stared at the boat.  
  
"It won't bite, you know." Kathryn stood leaning against the door, still smiling.  
  
"Yes, I established that, thank you."  
  
They let the silence hang between them for a moment and then Chakotay rose, his knees popping and offered, "Thank you for my gift, Kathryn. It's beautiful."  
  
"Do you really like it, Chakotay?" She looked genuinely worried.  
  
"Yes." He felt she had knocked the wind out of his sails with this sweet gesture and he hadn’t quite reached the end of his anger.  
  
She studied him for a moment and then whirled out the door. The thought that she might not return had only just registered when she reappeared holding paddles, safety gear and a pack. "Will we take it for a spin around the harbour? Then you can decide if you want to keep it. Allen can find it a good home if you don't want it." Her earlier confidence seemed to be eroding.  
  
Not trusting himself to speak, Chakotay nodded and together they carried the canoe to the end of the dock. It was lighter than it looked, and they placed it in the water effortlessly. He noticed she was watching him carefully, perhaps waiting for a more enthusiastic reaction. He lowered himself into the craft and held it steady for her. After a few moments of shifting and shuffling, they cast off, Chakotay settled in the stern and Kathryn toward the bow.  
  
They paddled out some way into the still morning waters of the harbour, remnants of the fog swirling and clinging to their paddles. Songbirds called to one another as the sun struggled through the slowly thinning clouds. Kathryn pointed out a wetland some distance from the harbour and he pointed them toward it, the slender craft turning easily.  
  
They moved silently through the reeds of the sheltered bay, periodically glancing at one another as their movements allowed. Kathryn felt her hair begin to fray as the breeze picked up and cleared the morning mist. She paused and laid her paddle across the runners to push the golden wisps out of her eyes.  
  
Chakotay steered the craft parallel to the shoreline and watched the herons stalking their prey in the still water. He recalled a time when this situation would have brought him nothing but peace. Now, though, he could not escape the turmoil in his mind and the sinking in his gut. The whole scene felt like a mockery of what they had once both wanted: time alone together to explore their world and what might become of them if left to their own devices for long enough without missions or the distractions of their crew and the perils of life in the Delta Quadrant.  
  
"Well Chakotay? Is that enough of a trial run or would you like to keep going? I can arrange a transport upstream of the falls so we can explore the river. "  
  
It was enough. He suddenly felt exposed and even more vulnerable than before, which was the only excuse he had for what he said next. "Actually, Kathryn I’ve just remembered a meeting I arranged with the Dean at the Academy. I really should be getting back. Thank you, though, for the boat. It's lovely. I'm sure I'll enjoy it a great deal once things have settled down some."  
  
A wave of surprised hurt passed over her features, but receded in an instant to reveal her standard commanding expression of steely resolve. "Of course. Best not to keep the Dean waiting. We'll head back."  
  
The whole way back to the harbour, Chakotay struggled to find a way to take back what he'd said. Here was Kathryn Janeway clearly trying to mend their fractured friendship, and all he could do was invent weak excuses to abandon her. He felt far too ashamed to retract his fabrication. Before he knew it they were docked and Kathryn was bidding him goodbye in clipped tones.  
  
"Great to see you again, Commander. Best of luck with everything. Don't hesitate to contact me if there's anything I can do to help you adjust." She spoke as though he were my other member of their crew. He was certain she had spoken those exact parting words to Gerron or Sam Wildman. No. Come to think of it, she'd have said something warmer, more personal to the majority of their crew because they hadn't hurt her in the way he had.  
  
Myopically seeing no way out of the mess he'd created, Chakotay uttered a "Yes, thanks Kathryn" and marched back up the path to the transporter terminal. At the crest of the hill he turned back to see her staring at him, her eyes piercing. With a minute shake of her head she turned and strode away. Her determination fueled his and he made his way back toward San Francisco, making every effort to feel glad at having excised Kathryn Janeway from his life.

  



	2. Crisis

"Black coffee for Kath please, Tariq." Allen's voice echoed through the small cabin as he seated Kathryn on the overstuffed leather loveseat. "And a tea for me, love. Now," he directed his attention to the woman to his left. "Tell me everything. What exactly did the buffoon say?"  
  
"Allen, I appreciate what you're trying to do, really, but there's nothing to analyse. I tried. He had no interest in patching things up. My efforts failed. It's time to move on." What energy she had left was maintaining a neutral expression and tone while her chest ached as her heart folded in on itself.  
  
Tariq interrupted Kathryn with a hot mug of coffee and a gentle hand on her shoulder. "That wouldn't be the intrepid Captain Janeway extolling the virtues of surrender, would it? Surely she doesn't know the meaning of the word." He drew back quickly as Allen reached for the teacup. "Ah! What did your last slave die of? "  
  
At this, Allen put on a great show of subservience to his spouse, offering up his seat, fluffing pillows, fanning his face, even lowering to pose as an ottoman. When Tariq finally rolled his eyes and surrendered the teacup, Allen raised it with a wink and a victorious smirk and a "Cheers, darling." Kathryn nearly lost her coffee and her train of thought laughing at their antics.  
  
Tariq brought her back to the issue at hand. "See, Kath? This is what you deserve: a lovely man to fawn over you, even if only in jest." He swatted at Allen, who dodged and spun around to perch on the arm of the loveseat.  
  
Tucking Kathryn under his arm, Allen said, "And if your Commander Sweetcheeks can't see his way to being that for you, the loss is his."  
  
"But now is hardly the time to give up," announced Tariq. "Let's assess: you gave him the boat and told him about all the many hours you slaved with us in the workshop to build this beautiful craft specially for him -"  
  
"Well -"  
  
He searched her face. "You didn't tell him. Tar, she didn't tell him!" Allen was so comically aghast, Kathryn strained to look properly sheepish.  
  
"Kath!" Tariq was similarly horrified.  
  
"In fairness, he didn't give me a chance. He was like a bear dragged out of its den at first, then that mood subsided to reveal my sullen and humourless former first officer."  
  
"I've never heard you describe him that way." Allen squeezed her shoulder.  
  
"He was like that more and more in our last year out there. At that stage, the ship ran like clockwork, the crew got along, all the department heads handled their own discipline and he had little to do other than act as informal ship's counsellor. I think he was bored." Kathryn leaned her head back on the loveseat to stare at the rafters. "I was hoping our return would give him a new sense of purpose, but it's been harder than any of us imagined to leave Voyager."  
  
"It's a real shock to the system, I'm sure, " Allen emphasized.  
  
"Mid-life crisis," Tariq sing-songed.  
  
Kathryn raised her head and her eyebrows.  
  
"It would explain a lot," Allen offered.  
  
"Ah that special time in a man's life when he senses his mortality most acutely, buys something sporty, beds something young, and engages in all the most dangerous activities to convince himself he's immortal," Tariq rhapsodized.  
  
She sighed and hauled herself out of the loveseat. "Be that as it may, there's nothing I can do now. Thank you for the coffee, gentlemen. I'm going to try to make make a dent in the piles of work I've been ignoring."  
  
"Oh no you won't." Tariq had her by the arms in an instant. "You are going to take the weekend for once to rest and enjoy yourself and to read some trashy romance novels. You've already booked the cabin and the hot tub won't soak in itself."  
  
Allen leapt to her side and immobilized her with a long arm around her shoulders. "We insist. And we're not afraid of you, Kath. You can't order us around like a couple of ensigns and we will hogtie you and lock you in the cabin if need be. You know we can do that."  
  
Kathryn knew when she was defeated. "I suppose I can work from a cabin as easily as my office."  
  
"Good," declared Allen, crushing her to his side. "And by work you mean read trashy romance novels in the hot tub."  
  
She rolled her eyes. "I can promise I'll read them at least as much as I ever have."  
  
Tariq sighed and eased his grip. "l suppose that will have to do, love. Allen will take you there himself."  
  
"Thanks, I think."  
  
Allen offered his arm and led her to the door. "Back shortly, darling."  
  
Tariq blew them a kiss and turned from the door.


	3. Tether

"You're an idiot." B'Elanna's flushed and irate face filled the viewscreen, Miral fussing at her shoulder.  
  
"Not helpful, B'Elanna." Chakotay sat in front of a small screen at the transporter terminal, running his fingers through his hair. Upon learning that the transporters were down for maintenance he had called B'Elanna after discovering that there wouldn't be a shuttle for several hours.  
  
On the screen, he watched her shift the baby into her lap. In the midst of making faces at the infant, she said, "I'm not the one you should be talking to."  
  
"Why not? I need a ride right now. And a friend."  
  
B'Elanna ignored his plea and looked up at him sharply. "Which is exactly what she was trying to be for you."  
  
"I don't know if I can do that anymore."  
  
"What? Be her friend?" She gave him a stern look. "Chakotay, half the crew would hack off a limb to have what you have with the captain."  
  
"Had. What I had with Kathryn is long gone. What I have with her is broken under the weight of several novels' worth of things unsaid and seven years of repressed emotions - not all positive ones either. There's nothing left to build on."  
  
"Nothing? Of course. That explains why the first thing she said to me when Starfleet let her go on leave was, 'B'Elanna, I have to patch things up with Chakotay. Do you know anyone who can help me build a boat?'"  
  
"You were involved in that?"  
  
"I introduced her to Hack and Slash. You remember them, right? They helped us get past 'fleet security more than once." She moved Miral back to her shoulder and rocked side to side, cradling the downy head.  
  
"The dropouts?"  
  
"Yeah. Like me. Hack - well, I suppose he goes by Allen now - was in my class at the Academy but dropped out of software engineering when he was offered a job with a private company on Risa. Tariq was in security and followed him there."  
  
"How did they escape jail?"  
  
"Their roles were seen as minor, I'm sure. Perhaps they performed some service during the war. I was so happy to see them, I didn't bother to ask."  
  
"And now they build boats. How idyllic."  
  
"I think they felt lucky to have made it through the war." Her gaze became piercing, driving her point home. "I don't blame them for wanting something simple. We all get tired of running for our lives eventually."  
  
"Speaking of which, how about that ride?"  
  
"Do you know where you are? You're pretty remote."  
  
"I know, B'Elanna. I got myself here didn't I?"  
  
"With transporters down this will take some doing and as I haven't been appointed Queen of the Federation since we last spoke, you know what strings I'll have to pull... "  
  
"I'll be grateful for whatever assistance you can send."  
  
"Yeah, hold that thought," B'Elanna muttered. She turned away and the screen blanked.  
  
Chakotay began to pace, feeling increasingly trapped. The wind picked up outside the transporter terminal, white pines and aspen silently lashing the windows with their branches. He could tell this place was underutilized by the age of the staff. Two young officers bickered in hushed tones beside the transport pads.  
  
Chakotay approached them. "Anything I can do to help?"  
  
"No sir," one said. "We should have it all under control in a few hours. Thank you sir."  
  
A few hours, Chakotay thought. These officers would be eaten alive on a starship. He could imagine the look on Kathryn’s face if any of their crew had asked for a few hours to repair the pattern buffers. That train of thought only deepened his gloom so he asked the young officers to direct him to the nearest settlement and set off immediately down the road and into the wind.  
  
When it began to rain, Chakotay began to believe in karmic justice, which made him trudge onward with greater determination.  
  
Twenty minutes from the terminal the rain had eased and still there was no town in sight. Chakotay shivered in his wet clothes thinking miserable thoughts until he encountered a dog. It trotted toward him and looked up at him expectantly. When he bent down to pet it, it darted away then seized a nearby stone in its teeth. Dropping the stone at his feet, the dog assumed the universal canine posture of play and tore off with enthusiasm when Chakotay hurled the stone up the road. After a few repeat performances, he faked a throw and pocketed the stone, leaving the animal to chase its invisible quarry.  
  
"There you are."  
  
The voice startled him and he spun around to see an older woman staring at him. Her wild silver hair framed her lined and weathered face in a mane of curls and her blue eyes danced with mischief.  
  
"I'm sorry. Were you expecting me?"  
  
"Jack was. But you've made a hare of him and he'll have had enough now."  
  
Chakotay watched as the animal trotted off up the road. “Is he yours?”  
  
“He stays with me. But Jack belongs to himself. Everyone around here looks after him.”  
  
Chakotay looked around and finally noticed the few decrepit houses and ramshackle shops that dotted the road. There was little sign of life. “I hate to sound rude but… People live here?”  
  
She winked at him. “It’s a work in progress. Come along then.” She marched up a hill along a path that had been obscured by overgrown shrubs and blackberries. He followed, questioning why he was being so obedient to a woman he’d only just met.  
  
“My name is Chakotay." He had to shout to be sure she heard him. It sounded like a complete non sequitur once said aloud, but he had to start somewhere.  
  
"Hana," she shouted back.  
  
He caught up to her as she was opening the waist-high gate. "What do you call this place?"  
  
"The Falls. Here, blow in this." Hana passed him a cylindrical metal tube with a hole in one end. He felt certain she was testing him to see how far his compliance went, but blew in the tube and handed it back when it failed to produce a result.  
  
She picked a few items off the bedraggled lawn and led him to the porch of a bizarre looking house. Windchimes made from smooth dull pieces of glass hung from the awning. As she opened the front door, Jack the dog bolted over the fence and scrabbled across the wooden floors into the house.  
  
Chakotay stood on the threshold as though frozen. He couldn’t fathom what he was doing at this strange woman’s house. Why had she asked him here? Why had he followed her? For a man usually so in touch with his own motivations, his behaviour left him utterly discombobulated. Perhaps he’d left his insight in the Delta Quadrant along with his backbone.  
  
“If you’re waiting to be asked in, consider this an invitation.” Hana held out a glass covered in condensation and gestured toward him while she took a sip from her own.  
  
It suddenly occurred to Chakotay that he was quite thirsty so he strode down the hall toward her and took the glass gratefully. The drink proved to be a scented sweet tea and he took a deep draught. “Thank you.” She took the glass from him and walked toward the back of the house.  
  
“Would you like to see the garden?” Without waiting for an answer, she proceeded out the back door. He followed, walking through her small, untidy kitchen and, closing the door behind him, found himself in a garden that was in many ways stunning. The broad-leaved plants still held rain drops and the flowers had shed their petals over the blanket of moss and pine needles on the ground. The area was enclosed by cedar hedges on three sides, lending the garden a muffled atmosphere of protection and peace.  
  
She passed him the end of a bundle of rope and directed him to hang it on a hacked off branch. “It’ll be the only dry thing to sit on,” she informed him, unfolding her end of the hammock and straining to hang it over her head. She sat in the hammock and gestured for him to join her.  
  
Chakotay sat beside her a bit awkwardly, their seat swinging as he shifted his weight. “Tell me about this place. Why do you call it The Falls?”  
  
“Centuries ago, this was lakefront property. There was a river and a waterfall in the area. It was never populous but it was attractive. The lake dried up and these buildings were left to rot. Many of the residents fled here after the war. The cities just don’t deem as safe as they once did.”  
  
“And what brought you here?”  
  
She looked down at her lap. “My husband was an inventor. He was responsible for a number of communications patents before the war. This was his studio.” Her lively countenance slowed and froze.  
  
Chakotay found himself slipping easily into the role of counselor. “It must be lonely here without him. Do you think of leaving?”  
  
Hana smiled at him. “I have other ties to this place. I have my crafts, my friends, Jack, and my garden. Some days I feel I should leave, but I've decided that's not what I want to do. I want to be here. I want to be held to this place and these people. It isn't practical, but there it is. Now I think we both know we're here to discuss what you want, Commander." She paused to emphasize his rank and smiled impishly. Jack joined in with his head on her lap.  
  
"You know who I am?"  
  
Addressing the dog, she said "Face like that and he expects to walk around incognito. Can you believe it? Of course I know who you are, Mister Chakotay. I'm a country dweller, not a hermit. Now, tell me if I'm wrong but you're feeling guilty about something and I think you need to let it go."  
  
"I don't know what -"  
  
"And I don't care for your niceties or diplomacy so don't bother."  
  
He dropped his head into his hands. "I'd don't think I should have to feel guilty about anything. Not anything I've done recently, anyway."  
  
"Fine," she said. "Don't. There's no need. You're being harder on yourself than anyone else would. Now you've let that go, the past is where it belongs, what do you want?"  
  
Chakotay stood and considered this. A shock of bright colour in the corner of his eye broke the monotone of greenery and he turned to see a rose bush just beginning to bloom. The yellow petals on the buds were tipped with pink and he brought a hand to his mouth and closed his eyes as a flood of nostalgia overtook him. He leaned in to inhale the scent, weakened by the recent rain, and he spoke aloud before he could stop himself: "Kathryn." Her name emerged like a groan from his throat.  
He felt a hand on his arm and he looked to his left to see Hana smiling broadly. "I think you should bring some roses to your former captain. Let me cut some for you." She tottered off, leaving him standing facing Jack the dog, who cocked his head to one side and panted in canine mockery.


	4. Incubus

Kathryn leaned back in the lounge chair. She had spent her first hours at the cabin writing and re-wording her contributions to the latest diplomatic efforts with Romulus for Starfleet Command. It was all rather pointless. Having missed out on the war, her perspective was meant to inject some balance into the proceedings, but after the number of first contact situations she'd headed in the Delta Quadrant, she found herself with little patience for the strained relations with Starfleet's older foes.  
Burnout, she thought. Just as the counsellors had warned, she was losing patience with simple aspects of her job, losing sleep over simple decisions and ingesting far too much coffee. The only time she had felt like herself in recent memory had been with Chakotay at the harbour that morning. She relived the morning's events once more before declaring to the empty room, "I'm moving on."  
  
Lying back fully, she draped an arm over her eyes and was just drifting off when the comm sounded an alert. Reluctantly she rose and answered the call.  
  
"B'Elanna! Is everything alright?"  
  
"We can't find him, Captain."  
  
"You'll have to forgive me. I was half asleep. Whom can't you find?"  
  
"Chakotay. He's gone missing. He called me for a lift from the transporter terminal but when Tom showed up with a shuttle, Chakotay was gone. No one has seen him for hours." Miral seemed to picking up on her mother's distress and was starting to whimper.  
  
"Hold on. Perhaps he found his own way back. Or maybe he went off to meditate and lost track of time. There's no sense In worrying just yet. If one of us hasn't heard from him by sunset, we'll assemble the troops."  
  
"You're probably right. I'm worried about him. He doesn't seem like himself."  
  
“All we can do is give him time. Either he’ll adjust or he’ll move on.”  
  
B’Elanna nodded. “I’ll let you go, Captain. Take care.”  
  
After signing off, Kathryn resumed her previous position on the lounge chair but then opted to move to the bedroom. Her earlier exhaustion was overwhelming her and she could feel the pressure building behind her eyes. Serves me right, she thought, remembering the weeks she had spent working on the boat without proper sleep. It was just as well Chakotay had taken off; she’d probably have fallen asleep on him. She stopped that train of thought but not before the heat rose in her chest and her throat constricted. Shaking her head at herself, she laid down and covered her eyes with a cloth.  
  
While she waited for her heart to slow its pounding, she smoothed her hands across the comforter, focusing on the softness of the fabric and slowing her breathing. A few short minutes of this and she was slipping into dreams of water.  
  
As the liquid mud seeped into her ears, she reached for Justin beside her. She could feel him moving ever so slightly just beyond her fingertips. Knowing she needed to keep as still as she could, she inched her way in his direction. Instead of coming into contact with warm flesh, all she could feel was the cold sodden material of a muddy starfleet uniform. Fighting back the panic, she held still and let the cold seep into her flesh as the Toskanar dogs wailed overhead.  
  
The sounds faded and she hauled herself from the mire to find herself in a swamp. This was clearly not Cardassian territory; there were no blinding lights, no paved surfaces. She found she still held the muddy remnants of a uniform in her hand and began to search for its owner. A rustle in the bushes made her cry out for Tom. No, this wasn’t Tom’s uniform. It was Justin’s. Wasn’t it? She eyed the undergrowth as a movement caught her eye and a bloated herptilian lumbered toward the pool with something in its mouth. Kathryn struggled through the mud to see what the animal held and as she gained on the beast, she caught sight of a large white wing and a long broken neck.  
  
The sight of the broken swan hanging from the beast's maw chilled her to the core. A snarl from behind her sent her into such a startled panic that she woke, heart pounding, clammy and tangled in the sheets. She could see the doorway in the waning afternoon light, but when she tried to roll over, she found herself immobilized.  
  
A figure appeared in the doorway. At first it was back lit and she couldn't make out its features but as as it approached her bedside, the face resolved into that of her former first officer. For a fleeting moment, she thought he had returned but the expression wasn't his. Teero, she thought with horror. Kathryn waited for him to attack, to grab her roughly as he had done before, but he just stood there, sneering at her. He took in every inch of her form, his gaze travelling over every curve and plane and she felt herself respond as she had that day in the brig: with fear, hatred and lust. She squeezed her eyes closed to push away the image, telling herself this wasn't real. When she opened her eyes again the angry man at her side morphed: his limbs and face elongated into those of an 8472. The creature screeched at her and she shut her eyes again.  
  
When she opened her eyes for the third time, the room was empty. She experimentally lifted her left arm and, with a sigh of relief when it moved, rolled out of bed.


	5. Yoke

Chakotay raced up the path to the harbour. He couldn't remember where they had docked the boat and every slip he could see was empty. Dashing up the path to the store, he found Allen weeding the flower beds in the front.  
"Ummm... hello?"  
  
"The prodigal first officer returns," Allen said, rising to his feet. "Tariq, my love, there is a gorgeous man in our front yard."  
  
"Uh, listen I -"  
  
"Oh, hello!" A grinning Tariq emerged from the side door of the shop. "Looking for Kath?"  
  
"Yes actually. Do you know where she is?"  
  
"We do." Tariq's voice rumbled deep in his chest. The two men were grinning at one another in a playful, predatory manner. "Question is, why should we tell you?"  
  
Chakotay felt his throat tighten. "I need to apologise."  
  
Allen circled Chakotay, looking him up and down then leaned in next to Chakotay’s left ear. "I suppose that's reason enough."  
  
Tariq put an arm around Chakotay’s shoulders. "But I think we need to have some words first, don't you think so, Allen?"  
  
"You know best, darling. I'll leave you to it." With that, Allen brushed off his hands and entered the shop.  
  
"Have a seat Mister Chakotay." Tariq's body language betrayed his Starfleet security training.  
  
Chakotay was sufficiently chastened and perched on a nearby rock. "As you wish. 'Slash' is it?"  
  
"You've spoken to B'Elanna." Tariq took a position just out of Chakotay’s reach and folded his arms. "What are your intentions toward the captain?"  
  
The question sounded ridiculous to Chakotay. Who did this guy think he was? "When did you become her protective older brother?" He asked, eyebrows quirked.  
  
"She's my friend. I'm sure you know from experience how quickly Kathryn Janeway engenders loyalty."  
  
Chakotay rose and took a step in the stockier man's direction. "I hope I don't need to remind you you're speaking to her loyal first officer and the best friend she had out there."  
  
Tariq refused to back down. Closing the gap between them he said, "If this morning is an indication of how you treat your friends, Mister Chakotay, I have to wonder if Kathryn isn't better off without you in her life."  
  
The men stared each other down for a few heartbeats, then Chakotay closed his eyes, tugged his ear and ran a hand through his hair. "Keep in mind," he said, sitting back on the rock. "I do not owe you this explanation, Mister Tariq." He sighed and shook his head. Looking anywhere but the man in front of him, he continued. "My relationship with Kathryn is... that is... there is a lot of - shit. In seven years I haven't been able to explain to Kathryn how I feel about her. I don't have any idea how to tell you. I want a chance to set things right with her. To get back to our friendship if nothing else."  
  
"She's at our cabin."  
  
Chakotay raised his eyebrows.  
  
"The boat is out back. You'll have to portage it about 200 meters upstream. From there it will take you twenty minutes to reach the cabin."  
  
"Your provisions, Mister Chakotay." Allen had reappeared from the shop with a pack and a map. He winked at Chakotay and grinned at his partner.  
  
Chakotay stood and gaped at the two of them.  
  
"We had to be sure you knew what you wanted. It's clear that you do." Tariq smiled genuinely.  
  
Chakotay took the pack and shouldered it. "You're strange friends, you two. Good friends to have, certainly. Strange, though."  
  
"Enough chatter. Get that tight ass moving, Commander, or you'll run out of daylight." Allen slapped Chakotay on the rear and the pair returned to their shop. Chakotay chuckled then hoisted the canoe over his head and set off through the bramble-covered path to the river.  
  
The path was narrow and winding and he had to watch carefully where he was walking to avoid turning his ankle or running into a tree. Between a snarl of roots and a pile of wet, jutting rocks, he spotted a design engraved on the inner planks of the keel near the bow. He lifted the yoke from his shoulders when he reached a clearing and crouched down to examine the design. When he identified the lines of his own tattoo and those of Voyager’s hull, it struck him what a deeply personal gift this was. He began to see Kathryn's efforts in every aspect of the craft: from the shape of the yoke, which could have been designed specifically for his broad shoulders, to the shallow indentations in the stern seat - he had mentioned the troubles he was having with his back the last time they had shared dinner. This was not a gift of gratitude for his services as first officer. The boat was tailored for him. It was a gift to remind him how well she knew him, how much she thought of him. He was touched.  
Perhaps the thing he most wanted was not so far out of reach after all.


	6. Burn

"Still no sign of him, B'Elanna." Kathryn sipped at her coffee and rubbed her temples.  
  
"I'll send Tom back out to look for him. This is absurd. When we find his ass, I'm going to kick it. You look tired Captain. Are you feeling alright?” B’Elanna's brows furrowed in concern. Tom walked behind her jiggling Miral.  
  
"Not that I mind going to look for him, Captain, but are we sure Chakotay wants to be found?"  
  
"A fair point, Tom. I don't know the answer to that." Kathryn rubbed her eyes. "And I'm fine, B'Elanna. No need to exercise your mothering muscles on me."  
  
"Are you sure? I could contact the doctor -"  
  
"Really," Kathryn insisted. "I'm going to take a few days' vacation and I'm sure I'll be just fine. I-" She stopped abruptly and lifted her head.  
  
"What? Captain? What is it?"  
  
"Can you hear that? Is that coming from your end?"  
  
"Hear what?"  
  
"No it mustn't be. It-" Kathryn stood and walked to the window. The sunset was shaping up to be rather stunning, framed in purples and yellows by the clouds that had darkened the sky all day. Just behind the sounds of birdsong and the river, she could hear a voice. The familiar baritone brought her back to those weeks on New Earth. Had it been that long since she'd heard him sing? Without turning around, she said to the comm unit, "Call off the search, B'Elanna, I've found him. Or he's found me."  
  
She walked out to the front porch with her coffee, leaving the comm link open, and leaned back against the outside wall to watch Chakotay round the bend in his boat. He was indeed singing as he fought his way upstream. He had removed his shirt and the skin of his chest shone golden in the saturated orange light of sunset. His song seemed to consist of a redundant mantra about silver birches and various native fauna. As he neared the beach in front of the cabin, Kathryn called to him, "Are you lost, Chakotay? You're a long way from Starfleet Academy."  
  
Chakotay smiled sheepishly and pulled the boat up on the beach. Kathryn's heart fluttered as she watched the muscles of his back flex as he bent to retrieve his shirt. She bit back a smile, choosing to play it cool as she watched him walk toward her, pulling the shirt over his head. She hugged herself a bit tighter.  
  
Chakotay stopped at the bottom of the stairs and looked up at her. "I'm sorry about earlier, Kathryn. I've been informed I'm an idiot." He spoke softly and climbed the steps.  
  
She was having some trouble maintaining a straight face but persevered. "See if I ever get you a present again."  
  
"I've always had trouble graciously accepting the generosity of others."  
  
"And yet I see you've decided to keep the boat." She avoided his gaze, looked out at the water instead and took a big gulp of her lukewarm coffee. She couldn't help making a face at the unpleasant taste.  
  
He took the cup and held her hand in his. "I spent some time with that craft over my head. I saw the markings you engraved. You must have spent a great deal of time on it." His gentle voice was doing magical things to her insides but she stubbornly refused to appear moved.  
  
"Is there something I can help you with, Commander? I am on vacation, you know." Though she tried to sound imperious, he had noticed her shuddering intake of breath and wasn't about to be deterred.  
  
He caught her eye and planted a kiss on her palm. "I'd like to take you for a boat ride, Kathryn. I want to make up for being such poor company this morning. Will you join me?"  
  
They gazed at one another. "Are you sure that's wise, Chakotay? It's getting dark..." She trailed off as he pressed his face into her hand and closed his eyes.  
  
Shakily, he whispered "I brought a light. Please? "  
  
Tracing her fingers over his left brow she nodded. "Just let me change. And we should reassure B'Elanna. She's been getting worried and aggressive."  
  
He followed her into the cabin and sat in front of the comm unit. When B'Elanna's face appeared, she let out a surprised growl.  
  
"You absolute ass!"  
  
"I thought I was an idiot." He smirked.  
  
"You've managed to be both in one day."  
  
"I'm sorry, B'Elanna."  
  
"Better get used to singing that tune. Tom was looking everywhere for you."  
  
"Okay, I get it. How's Miral?"  
  
B'Elanna eyed him suspiciously but relented. "Miral is fine. I'm sure she'd love a visit from her favourite uncle."  
  
"Her favourite uncle? Is she old enough to have a favourite anything?"  
  
"Klingon infants are very particular. Are you planning on coming back to the city tonight?"  
  
Chakotay glanced behind him. "No. The captain and I have some catching up to do." His expression softened.  
  
B'Elanna searched his face. "Behave yourself, Chakotay, or I'll have to make good on my promise to kick your ass."  
  
Chakotay grinned and nodded. "Goodnight B'Elanna."  
  
"Do you have a sweater, Chakotay?" Kathryn appeared from the back room, holding the door frame.  
  
"No. I didn't bring one." His eyes roamed over her form and he licked his lips as he met her eyes. She rolled her eyes at him and smiled.  
  
"I'll meet you outside, Kathryn." He stepped out onto the porch and watched a pair of diving ducks fishing in the river. The evening light gleamed on the surface of the water, backlighting the birds as they took turns submerging.  
  
"What did B'Elanna have to say?" Kathryn spoke close to his ear as she placed a light fleece on his shoulders.  
  
"She added being an ass to my list of sins, then invited me to visit."  
  
"Sounds about right. Better than you deserved, perhaps."  
  
He studied her face. "Perhaps." He took a deep breath. "You have every right to be angry with me, Kathryn, but I hope you can see your way to forgiving me."  
  
She hummed noncommittally. "We should get moving. It's getting dark."  
  
They pushed the boat out into the riffle, hoisting it over the rocky shoal before climbing in and setting off upstream. The sky was clearer than it had been all day and the first stars were just appearing. Crickets and frogs chirped merrily in the crisp evening air as the boat moved noiselessly forward. As the last scrap of sunlight disappeared below the horizon, Chakotay steered them into a stony beach.  
  
They pulled the boat to shore and Chakotay opened the pack. "Kathryn, could you find some kindling? I'm going to haul these pieces of driftwood together."  
  
"Fine," she replied. "But we're using your hair for tinder this time. Mine is just starting to grow out."  
  
Soon, and with only a little help from the phaser Tariq had stashed in the pack, they had a fire burning on the beach. The wood popped and sizzled as there fire licked at wet spots left by the rain. Chakotay placed his sweater on the ground to give them somewhere to sit.  
  
They settled down side-by-side, bodies almost touching, to watch the flames dance on the wood.  
  
"Where did you disappear to today, Chakotay?"  
  
"I met a woman."  
  
"Oh?" She waggled her eyebrows at him.  
  
"Not like that. Actually I met her dog first." He described for her the surreal experience he'd had in Hana's garden. "She asked me what I wanted and of course that was the question I'd been avoiding."  
  
"And what do you want, Chakotay?"  
  
He held her gaze for a moment before responding. "Before we get to that, I was hoping to clear the air."  
  
She gestured for him to proceed.  
  
"About that thing with Seven--"  
  
"Let me stop you there. You don't have anything to apologise for on that front. You cannot be blamed for enjoying her company or wanting what she was offering. I'm certainly in no position to judge you."  
  
He huffed a laugh. "Hana was right. She told me I was being too hard on myself."  
  
"An insightful woman."  
  
"What did you mean you're in no position to judge?"  
  
Kathryn squirmed and looked out into the darkness. "Just that I'd had my share of dalliances on Voyager. Kashyk, for example. And Michael," she said haltingly.  
  
"We discussed Kashyk at the time and you had my full support with Michael. What are you not telling me?" He tried to get her to look at him. "Kathryn?"  
  
"She approached me first. Seven, I mean."  
  
"Approached you?"  
  
"Mmm hmm. It was in my ready room one night. Sometime after the Equinox fiasco. You and I were at odds over something." She shook her head, still avoiding his gaze. "Seven offered me a massage. I accepted. She kissed me."  
  
Chakotay's eyes grew to the size of saucers. "Kissed you! Just like that?"  
  
"She rubbed my neck until it felt like putty. I was in no position to resist." She paused, watching his reaction, but he seemed transfixed. "In any case. I had to let her down gently. You know how Seven gets when I try to set limits on her behaviour. So we both know how persuasive she can be."  
  
"I suppose we do," he said softly.  
  
"Whatever there was between you and Seven, it doesn't erase our relationship."  
  
"No. It certainly doesn’t." He drew her close to his side and ran his hand over her arm. For a moment they watched the flames in silence until they were interrupted by an unusual growling sound.  
  
"Kathryn."  
  
"Mmm hmm?"  
  
"Was that your stomach? Tell me you've eaten today."  
  
"You wouldn't want me to lie to you, Chakotay."  
  
At that, he stood and hauled a few items from the pack. Picking out a particularly large item that had been sticking out through the zipper he said, "Oh! This must be an antique. Have you ever used one of these?"  
  
"I don't think so. What is it?"  
  
He held out a wire basket on a thin metal pole. With his other hand he retracted the lid and poured a handful of dried corn kernels into the basket. Closing the lid, he held it over the hot coals and smiled at her. "I hope you like popcorn."  
  
Kathryn grinned. "Is there butter?"  
  
"I think so. Check the pack?"  
  
She rummaged through their provisions and found a small tin. Prying off the lid, she discovered a creamy yellow substance and smiled. "I take it you didn't pack this, Chakotay." She placed the tin on a hot rock next to the fire.  
  
"No. We have our friends at the harbour to thank for that."  
  
"So thoughtful of them." She sat back down on the sweater, hugging her legs.  
  
"Thoughtful. Yes. Tariq thoughtfully interrogated me."  
  
She sputtered a laugh. "He interrogated you? In what way?"  
  
"The Starfleet way. You know they're academy dropouts?"  
  
"B'Elanna told me as much. Tariq was security, I take it."  
  
"Mmm hm." He dropped to a knee and moved the basket closer to the fire. "Asked me to account for my intentions toward you."  
  
"Sounds like he was channelling my father. And what did you tell him?"  
  
He grinned, dimples at full force. "I said my intentions were anything but honourable." He held his breath, waiting for her reaction.  
  
Her eyes roamed over his body and she bit her lower lip. "Chakotay..." She said huskily.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"You're burning the popcorn."  
  
"Shit." He shook the basket and managed to keep the rest of their snack from charring. When the popping subsided, she poured the butter over the corn and they sat together to eat.  
  
Between bites, Chakotay asked "What did you do this afternoon?"  
  
"I worked. I slept very badly."  
  
"Are you having those dreams again?"  
  
"As the Doctor would say, they're not dreams. They're wakeful non-REM visualizations. And they're a result of poor sleeping habits." She rubbed at her eyes with her knuckles.  
  
"They'd scare the shit out of me. Who was it this time?"  
  
She looked at him with a grimace and punctuated it by biting down firmly on a piece of corn.  
  
"Me?"  
  
"It's been you since Teero."  
  
"Kathryn! Spirits! Why didn't you tell me?"  
  
"I've dealt with this since I was a girl, Chakotay. I've had plenty of practice at separating dreams from reality."  
  
"Still. What did I do to you?"  
  
"Nothing. You frowned at me and turned into an 8472."  
  
Chakotay felt this could hardly be considered 'nothing'. He searched her face for any sign of the terror he knew he'd be feeling "Well, on behalf of the non-REM visualization of me I apologize for terrorizing you." He used his least buttery fingers to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.  
  
“You’re forgiven.”  
  
They sat in easy silence munching on handfuls of buttery popcorn until Kathryn reached over and offered him a piece. He took it daintily with his front teeth and presented her a piece in turn. The sensation of her lips closing over his thumb and forefinger almost made him moan. He held back, wiped a drop of butter from her chin and waited. The second piece she offered he licked from her fingers, eliciting a throaty chuckle. After she fed him a third piece, he spent an almost indecent amount of time sucking the butter from her fingertips.  
  
"Chakotay," she whispered. He held out a few more pieces of popcorn for her to nibble on and then pulled her head to his and began licking and nibbling at the butter on her bottom lip. Without another word her mouth took his and they were kissing in earnest.  
  
"Thank goodness," he murmured against her mouth.  
  
"Agreed," she breathed, kissing his nose.  
  
He laid back, pulling her down on top of him. He mumbled sweet nonsense and ran his fingers through her hair. She raised herself up and lowered her mouth to his. He traced spirals down her back as she pulled his full lower lip between her own. Their blood ran hot and fiery through their veins. Kathryn pressed herself against him fully and hummed her approval against his throat. The sweater had bunched and shifted to the side.  
  
"Chakotay... Mmmph. Oh! Chakotay wait."  
  
"Kathryn, please." He pressed his fingers into his eyes.  
  
"No. I don't mean- Just- Could we take this back to the cabin?" She kissed his forehead. "One of us is bound to get an assful of sand if we stay here."  
  
His chest shook with laughter. "That's tactical thinking, Captain. Did the scientific community change the standard metric of sand while we were gone?"  
  
"Must have." She helped him up and together they doused the fire and buried the ashes. Launching the boat into the water, they drifted downstream without paddling, grateful for the chance to slow their hearts and cool their blood.  
  
They watched the reflection of stars as the current made them dance on the water's surface. Fireflies mirrored the movement of the stars on the water's edge. Kathryn reached for her paddle.  
  
"Wait." Chakotay slid off his seat and stretched out his legs along the sides of the boat.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"Can you slide under the yoke?"  
  
She raised an eyebrow but leaned back to grab the yoke, swung herself under it and shifted back to sit between his legs, resting her head on his chest.  
  
"Look up." It had been years since they'd watched the stars together like this. The belt of the Milky Way hung familiar and comforting over their heads. They drifted along the bank in that position the whole way back to the cabin. Chakotay lowered his paddle into the water to keep them from running aground and wrapped his free arm around her chest, savouring the contact he'd craved for so long.


	7. Dip

Back at the cabin, they beached and secured the canoe, flipping it keel-up to dry. Kathryn turned back to look at the water. The moon was a bright sliver in the sky and the light from it washed and bounced on the river. Peace, she thought, was a perfect description of how she felt. The word Chakotay had used at their wooden table on the other side of the galaxy held more significance for her than any other words of love or devotion ever had. In the end, they brought one another peace and in their tumultuous lives, that had created a foundation more stable than any fleeting passion.  
  
Chakotay brushed his hands off on his pant legs and moved to stand behind her. "Coming inside?" He asked, planting a kiss behind her ear.  
  
She pulled away. "Not just yet." With a wicked grin she began pulling off her shoes.  
  
"What are you up to?"  
  
"Haven't you ever been skinny dipping, Chakotay?" She removed her top and tossed it on the ground.  
  
"That water is freezing. Are you crazy?"  
  
"Oh, where is my brave Maquis warrior!" She lamented and dropped her leggings.  
  
"He's looking forward to a warm blanket and some tea."  
  
"Come on Commander. Last one in is a Leola root!" She tossed her bra and panties at his chest and took off running into the river, yelping when the water hit her torso.  
  
Chakotay steeled himself then stripped awkwardly and ran in after her. With a roar, he dove under the surface and emerged covered in goosebumps, heart thundering in his chest. He looked around for Kathryn and rubbed his upper arms. He shivered as he felt a pair of icy hands run delicate fingers down the muscles of his back.  
  
“Had enough?”  
  
“You’re enjoying yourself far too much,” Chakotay said between chattering teeth, turning to face her. “Aren’t you cold?”  
  
“Yes. Isn’t it wonderful?” She took his hands. “Seven years of breathing climate controlled air, Chakotay. A little discomfort feels like a luxury.” She stood in front of him, waist-deep in the river, water steaming off her skin and flowing from her hair down her breasts and back. For a moment, he took in the sight of her skin in the dim moonlight, pricked with gooseflesh and tinted blue in the darkness. When she placed her hand on his chest, he drew her close with a hand on her hip. He brought his lips to hers and they shared deep, slow, shivering kisses, wet bodies moving together, limbs trembling with cold and desire. He sighed as she kissed her way down his neck to his chest.  
  
“A little comfort feels pretty luxurious, too.” His voice betrayed how deeply she was affecting him.  
  
She smiled up at him. “Come on, Chakotay. Let’s get warm.” She dashed up the beach, threw on her tunic and raced up the steps to the cabin.  
  
He trailed slowly behind her, his limbs stubbornly refusing to warm. He picked up his clothing and only just registered a prick on his numb hand. Fumbling in the pockets of his pants, he pulled loose the cluster of rose buds Hana had given him. The leaves were wilted and the outer petals had withered somewhat, but they were otherwise intact. He pulled his shirt over his head, donned his shorts and forced his frozen legs up the stairs.  
  
He stood in the doorway of the cabin, letting the warm air return feeling to his extremities and watched Kathryn programming the replicator. Her tunic rode up on her legs and he leaned against the jamb, delighting in the opportunity to stare at her openly. After a moment he decided that touching her was an even more delightful option and moved behind her to pull her against him, anointing her neck and shoulders with tender kisses. She hummed and stroked his face.  
  
“Give me a few minutes and meet me out back?”  
  
“What if I don’t want to?” He groaned and clung to her, pressing his hips into her lower back.  
  
“I promise to make it worth the effort.” Turning in his arms, she pulled his mouth to hers. When he relaxed into the kiss, she broke away and ducked into the bedroom calling, "Two minutes, Chakotay."  
  
Weary, frustrated and aroused he made his way out back to an open veranda. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he spotted a lighting panel that, when touched, illuminated a large wooden hot tub. He chuckled. This was definitely Kathryn's idea of camping: she had her replicator, her bath tub and now her favourite cook. Except this time, he was applying for a different position altogether.  
  
He activated the jets, set the temperature and, shedding his clothing once more, slid into the water as it warmed, frothing and bubbling around his chest. He emitted a sigh as the chills and tension eased in his limbs and leaned his head back. Every sensation since he'd arrived at the cabin was thrown into sharp relief and he had to close his eyes to allow it all to wash over him.  
  
A kiss over his left eye brought him back to the present. Kathryn handed him a glass of sparkling wine.  
  
“Are those for me?” she asked, dropping her robe from her shoulders.  
  
He looked at his right hand. He had almost forgotten about the roses again. “Hana suggested you might like them.”  
  
“I do.” She held them under her nose and inhaled deeply. Lowering herself into the tub she said, “We’ll have to remember to put them in water.”  
  
She sat beside him, placed her hand over his heart and raised her glass. "To us, Chakotay. To home. To our future."  
  
"Hear hear." They clinked and emptied their glasses and Chakotay moved them to the side. He shifted closer to her.  
  
She leaned into his side and breathed deeply.  
  
“This feels amazing, Kathryn.” He wrapped an arm around her. She had tied her hair back into a messy bun and he tucked the wisps away from her face.  
  
She closed her eyes at his touch. “Worth freezing your ass off for?”  
  
“Definitely.” He traced the lines of her shoulders and collarbones with his fingers, pressing gently when he found a knot. Though a part of him screamed to hurry this along, he wanted to savour the sweetness of anticipation a while longer. "Will you tell me something?"  
  
She quirked a brow at his phrasing. "I might. What do you want to know?"  
  
"If I had kissed you on New Earth the way Seven did, what do you think would have happened?"  
  
She winced. "How did I know you wouldn't let that sleeping dog lie?"  
  
"Forget it."  
  
She put her hands on either side of his face. "Do you want to know how I felt about kissing Seven? Or why I was afraid to let anything happen between you and I?" She smirked and traced his tattoo.  
  
"First the latter. Then the former."  
  
"Fine." She sat in his lap and wrapped his arms around her waist and interlaced her fingers with his. Chakotay moaned as she leaned back. "On New Earth, if you had kissed me the way Seven did, I would have kissed you back. But then I'd have resented you for making me feel guilty. You have always been too important to me to allow what we have be destroyed by guilt.  
  
"As for Seven," she continued, not wanting to lose her nerve. "I felt a bit violated, indignant, shocked and somewhere in there it registered that she's an amazing kisser."  
  
"Isn't she?" They both laughed. "I noticed that as well. Did the Doctor teach her that?"  
  
"I'm not sure I want to know."  
  
They stilled and simply breathed in tandem as the mood shifted around them once again. The descent began when she shifted slightly in his lap and felt his arousal fully. She let out a little "Oh," which he smothered in a passionate kiss. He could taste the wine and popcorn in her mouth and he could almost feel the flavors etching themselves indelibly on his memory.  
  
He slid his hands over the curve of her belly and, breathing her in, he slipped one hand between her legs as the other drifted to her breast. She sighed and moaned as he manipulated her sensitive flesh. Her release, when it came, tore through her with ferocity and she cried his name with abandon.  
  
For his part, he was lost the moment she turned to straddle him and rasped, "Take me." Take her? He felt utterly taken himself: Drawn into her centre by the force of their bond, he gave up all resistance. She bit his earlobe as he entered her and cried out with him when he came.  
  
They eventually found their way to the bed, but only after finding their way to the counter, the wall and the rug in the living area. As he was drifting off to sleep curled around her, she said, "That was worth waiting for."  
  
He hummed his assent. "Worth every minute." After a quiet moment he whispered, "Kathryn, what happens now?"  
  
She rolled over to face him. "Now, Chakotay, you and I are what we have always been: friends who love each other. We have some time to adjust to this new element in our relationship while we wait for reality to snap back into place. I believe we'll do just fine."  
  
He kissed her tenderly, his expression soft. "I believe you're right."


	8. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because I can never leave things alone... EXTRA CHAPTER POINTLESS EPILOGUE THING!

"Oh! Kathryn." Chakotay woke to the most incredible sensations.  
  
A flushed pink face raised itself to smirk at him from the level of his navel. "You cannot imagine how long I've thought about doing that."  
  
"Oh, I might have some idea," he said, pulling her up to lie against his chest. He stroked her back, delighting in the ability to allow his hands to roam where they would.  
  
She pressed herself up, to lie sphinx-like, eyeing him sceptically as her legs spread to rest on either side of his. She idly traced the markings over his left eye. "I believe it would surprise you to know I've imagined doing that since I asked you to wear a Starfleet uniform."  
  
He chuckled. "Have you really? That is surprising."  
  
She kissed him solidly. "Let's just say I thought you might need some convincing and I was more than willing to take one for the team in the name of harmony."  
  
"Makes me wish I hadn't been such a pushover."  
  
"You're a peaceful man, Chakotay, and a smart one. Just among your many admirable qualities for which I adore you."  
  
He rolled them over and took her mouth in a bruising kiss that set her humming and moaning his name. "I adore you, Kathryn Janeway. In the name of full disclosure, will you let me show you what imaginings I had to tame for seven years?"  
She already felt half-molten and might have agreed to a trip back to the Delta Quadrant at that stage. "Hmmm... I suppose that could be permitted, Commander."  
  
A wicked grin spread over his features. "Let's begin with that 'mating behaviour' comment."


End file.
